


All Of Me

by roseclare0000



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Post-Seine, Post-Valjean's Death, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 19:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8591311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseclare0000/pseuds/roseclare0000
Summary: Post-Valjean's death, Javert looks back on their relationship.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My first Valvert fic, so please be kind. Also, I apologize in advance for the feels.

Sometimes, I think that I can still hear your voice beside me. At night, I dream that you are beside me, holding me once more in your strong arms, shielding me from the world. But they are only dreams, and in the end I will always wake in a cold bed, crying your name into the empty darkness.

I went back to the Seine today, like we used to do together so many times before. I did not trust myself until now to face the rushing waters, for I feared that I might break my promise to you. I found it difficult to even step onto the bridge, without your comforting presence with me. You were always the stronger one, in all the ways that mattered.

It has been months since the funeral, yet I still cannot help but feel the pain like it was yesterday. If you were here now, you would smile and say this was God’s will, that it was unavoidable. We both saw this coming, but now I fear that I do not have the strength to go on without you.

You asked me once, if I remembered the events that transpired at the river, and I answered you that I did not. Now I must confess I had lied, at least in part. I remember your arms pulling me from the icy waters’ grasp; I remember being held in your warm embrace by the fire; I remember drifting into a peaceful slumber as you prayed by my bedside. I also remember the way I fought you in the beginning, my brutal treatment of you, and the way I mocked your kindness. You never lost your temper with me, not even when I called you the most horrific things. It was your kindness and your gentle love that drew me away from the edge and out of my despair. I realize now that I’ve never thanked you for all that you did for me, and now it is too late.

Next week will mark the first year since you left this world, and me. Cosette and Marius had asked if I would like to go into the streets and distribute alms in your name, and I found I could not refuse. It is what you would have done. I do not think I shall join them afterwards in their home, however. They need time with their children, and I need time with you.

I tried to tell myself time and time again that you were gone, but everywhere I go, the memories we shared are there, following me like a spectre I cannot shake. The gardens, the marketplace, even the Palais de Justice. There is so much I have not said to you, so many things I had not yet shared with you that I longed to try. Why have you been taken away from me so cruelly, when we have only had such a short time together?

You were my redemption, my salvation. You protected me and brought me back into this world. I will not dishonor you by attempting once more that which you saved me from, if only for your sake. No, I will live on, but always with a part of my soul missing - because you, Jean Valjean, are and always will be, all of me.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos would be repaid by virtual hugs!


End file.
